It’s 6:41 a.m. and I’m on my third cup of coffee. Usually at this time, I’ve fed the cats and horses, and I’m just starting my first cup with my breakfast. ¬†But I’ve been awake since 3 and finally got up just before 5, so I’ve seen the sky go from star-pricked ink to moody blue-gray, and now a misty blue as the fog has risen up.

I usually sleep pretty well but there are nights like this when my thoughts just won’t shut down. My usual tricks (think of every word I can that starts with a random letter–last night it was “R”) didn’t work. Little thoughts pop into my head. Am I eating too much sugar? Is it the wrong kinds of sugar? Is sugar keeping me awake? Then the bigger thoughts make an appearance. Is that client ever going to pay me? Am I going to get the info I need to run those 2 payrolls that need to be submitted by 5 tonight to make the direct deposit deadline? Can I dump the bookkeeping business and make my living as a writer?

Aha. There’s the big question. I’m ready for a change. I find that every 10 years or so I’m ready to shake things up. Fear of the unknown and lack of security usually make me hold on for a lot longer than 10 years. Sometimes more like 20 if I’ve got a really¬†good thing going on, job-wise. In this case, I’ve been at the freelance bookkeeper thing for 15 years. I have a solid client base and a reasonably steady income. But I’m at the point where I’m bored, and I don’t want to grow the business.

It seems I’m getting signs I should move on. It’s getting harder and harder to get the information I need to get the work done on time. Clients are getting slower and slower about paying their bills. My schedule and my bank balance are getting a bit tight. The thing about signs, though, is that it’s hard to tell if they’re really showing up to tell you something, or if you are just reading more into normal events than you should because your are looking for signs.

So on to do a bit more work on this and explore my options! And hopefully get some sleep.